And somewhere I’ve managed to go downhill. All I’m doing is getting drunk or high or both every night. And I have absolutely no desire to fix the mistakes I’ve made. I’m alienating everyone I can, pushing people away as quickly as possible. Nothing makes me happy anymore. There’s no point to all this meaningless sex, alcohol, and drugs. Maybe it’s time I just grow up and focus on school. That’s the only way I can even start to achieve what I want to. Fuck getting married and screw relationships. And as for sex, well I’ve gone long times without it before and I can do it now. Anyways, I’d feel less cheap, dirty, and worthless if I was celibate. I like sleeping in my own bed and being responsible. I’m trying to be something I’m not - fun.